Negative Talk in the Elderly

Has your parent recently moved to a more social environment and is now talking in a negative way? Does your loved one acquired a pessimistic perspective? When individuals are exposed to negative thinking people, you simply pick up that perspective. We think of this happening in young children, but all ages are also susceptible.

You have finally convinced your elderly loved one to move out of their home, and solitary living situation, into a more social atmosphere. The idea that they are now interacting with people their own age is exciting for them and you. You now notice an unhealthy change in their attitude. Your parent now seems to talk about most things with a negative connotation. Phrases like "this generation is completely out of control," now coming from your mild and meek mother is surprising. How did this happen? We all become what we are around. If you are spending time with people that are expanding their knowledge by reading or learning computer skills, your conversation with them is probably about authors and the internet. If you have lunch each day with a nay-sayer you may become a complainer yourself.

The best way to counteract this is to periodically enjoy lunch with your parent and their new friends. By noticing the instigators of the pessimism you can interject your optimism during conversation. This will immediately be noticed. Once you have your parent alone, let them know how sad and resentful their new acquaintance seems to be. Speak of them with empathy and understanding. Let your loved one know that they may be a nice person but all that negativity must be difficult for the group to handle. This may sound like dealing with your children, and it should. We are all influenced by our peers, but we don't all realize what is happening, very slowly, to our attitude. Elderly people want to be accepted and get along. They are making changes in their life and are trying to `go with the flow.'

Keep in mind that you can't control what is going on with the residents, however resentment and fear spread pretty fast. Your goal has been to relocate your parent to a safe and healthy environment. Stopping in to see them on a regular bases is essential, but remember to call them first. You want them safe, but you also want them to maintain their independence and mutual respect.